The Good Divorce
- ISBN13: 9780060926342
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
Product Description
It’s never too late to have a good divorce
Based on two decades of groundbreaking research, The Good Divorce presents the surprising finding that in more than fifty percent of divorces couples end their marriages, yet preserve their families. Dr. Ahrons shows couples how they can move beyond the confusing, even terrifying early stages of breakup and learn to deal with the transition from a nuclear to a “binuclear” family–one that spans two households and continues to meet the needs of children.
The Good Divorce makes an important contribution to the ongoing “family values” debate by dispelling the myth that divorce inevitability leaves emotionally troubles children in its wake. It is a powerful tonic for the millions of divorcing and long-divorces parents who are tired of hearing only the damage reports. It will make us change the way we think about divorce and the way we divorce, reconfirming our commitment to children and families.
Tags: tonic, Good, binuclear family, remainder mark, households, family values, inevitability, DivorceRelated posts:
This author bashes past research findings, citing limited research parameters, then spins her own findings as the most relevant, without adequately supporting her claims. This should be a book about divorce and dealing with the process, not a thinly-veiled political commentary. Contrary to what is written in this book, conservatives and their governmental policies are not to blame for the increase in divorce rates. If “serial monogamy,” where one enters into a marriage without expecting it to be a lifetime commitment is in line with your thinking towards marriage and/or divorce, this book is for you.
Rating: 1 / 5
The Good Divorce
I caught my wife in an affair. She filed for divorce. I convinced her to try therapy and we saw a therapist. Before the therapist even met with me alone, she recommended my wife read this book. I found it at home and read it. I was outraged because the book was complete trash. I totally agree with some other readers that the book offers nothing except relief from guilt for breaking up a marriage and family; and that the author’s purpose for writing the book was to justify her own actions in leaving her husband and hurting her daughter in the process. Read her daughter’s school essay near the end of the book where she states something like “I wouldn’t wish divorce on any family, but I can see where I have grown in some ways because of it.” The author actually interprets that as her daughter saying, “Mom, it’s OK. Yes, I suffered from your leaving Dad, but boy-howdy did it make me a stronger person. Gee, thanks, Mom! You did the right thing!” The author falls back on Darwin-inspired ideas like this (I’ll paraphrase): “Society has changed, and marriage has adapted to survive these changes. Before we had the nuclear family, now marriage has evolved to the binuclear family.” She thinks that by giving divorce a fancy scientific-sounding label like “binuclear family” that it gains legitimacy. You know, if my wife (now ex-wife) had not been able to surround herself with two or three so-called friends who were divorce proponents, and this lousy book, we might have had a fighting chance of reconciling our marriage. And my children, our extended families (both sides), and I wouldn’t be hurting so terribly now. I can’t blame everything on this book, obviously, but it was certainly not helpful, and probably harmful.
Rating: 1 / 5
The Good Divorce
As a very successful child of a “good divorce,” I cannot think of a more destructive book published in the last 15 years. Despite the fact that a divorce is sometimes necessary (in the case of abusive marriages, for example), the phrase “good divorce” is an oxymoron! The ruin–and yes, divorce ruins things even when it may make certain things better–of 50% of families in America is anything but good.
This book is not written with the well-being of children in mind, but rather with the well-being of the parents. The very idea that there is ideally no one to blame in the break-up of a marriage is ludicrous. People today, it seems, have found various other things (success, personal fulfillment, inner peace) that are more valuable than other people. Is it not a scary fact that this book aims at absolving divorcing parents of all guilt? The sad result is that the guilt inevitably falls onto the children, regardless of how many times they are told that it is not their fault. It is simply indicative of our self-centered, individualistic society today that we honestly believe that our spouses can remain such only so long as they are promoting our pure happiness and contentment every waking minute.
To any parents who are entertaining the idea that a divorce in which conflict is minimized is not harmful to children, I must, from personal experience, issue a resounding, “NO, a marriage is the best thing you can give to your children.” Some things, my friends, are worth fighting for–and the love of your life trumps them all.
For an excellent yet sensitive counter argument to this book’s selfish and guiltless agenda, I would strongly recommend Elizabeth Marquardt’s “Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce:”
“Why are children of divorce considered so resilient? Because the adults need them to be that way.”
Rating: 1 / 5
The Good Divorce
Rather than a guide to keeping your family together if you must divorce, the author seems to want to justify divorce. Worse than that it is unsuccessful in justifying divorce. It cites a lot of studies without providing any supporting details to make those studies come to life. Her examples are many times truly unconventional or she falls back on movies such as “War of the Roses,” as an example of how futile revenge is. The author seems to be trying to justify her own divorce 35 years ago, by letting us know how our society and culture have change since the first half of the twientieth century. Who cares about her divorce, she isn’t even a good writer. As she rambles on and on through one chapter after another, there is always hope that the next chapter will provide insight to the divorce emotions, situation and process. Admittedly I gave up somewhere around the middle of the book, when I became convinced that a worthwhile chapter probably was not in this book. The good news is that there are a lot of books on divorce that are well written and offer real insight, and I believe good and practical advice.
Rating: 1 / 5
The Good Divorce
My parents read this book as they were considering separating. It convinced them that there was no reason to resolve their differences, and that our family would be somehow stronger. It absolutely gives unhappy people the unfounded expectation that if they can just be friendly with each other, negative effects can be completely avoided.
In the end it made my parents separation all the more painful for me and my adult siblings, because it built an expectation that divorce would be easy on everyone. When it wasn’t, the only response was to blame us kids, because they were working really hard at their “good” divorce.
Rating: 1 / 5
The Good Divorce